Ok, and note to self: No more blogging on Ambien. Ok, enough said.

Last week was a really tough week, but when I look back on it now, I see the growth that came out of it. I see now, with hindsight, that it not only happened for a reason, but that it needed to happen for several reasons. Not just for reasons that affect my life either. I don't want to sound to new age-y, but I am having some really deep spiritual epiphanies (aka a-ha moments) where like...stuff just sort of seems to be clicking in.

Not like I suddenly just am getting everything. That would be pretty far from the truth. I'd say the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. I've heard people say that before, but it never seemed more true. There are so many different levels to everything and really, it just depends on which one you happen to be concentrating on that you can actually see it. So, you kind of have to know of it's presence to be able to see it. In order to know some of these deep truths, you have to first spiritually intuit them, before you can even conceptualize of them. It reminds me of a story I heard in which an Indian medicine man keeps looking out over the water and eventually realizes something is different. He looks every day...barely seeing anything, but somehow realizing that there is a shimmer of difference which he does not understand. He looked and looked for many days...until he saw it. Ships were coming towards him. Now of course, he had no frame of reference, because he had no concept of a ship. Now, I don't know how true this is, but conceptually I understand what was meant by the story.

I need to stop drowning out my inner voices all the time with constant tv, computer, movies and music, (see earlier post on this topic) and start listening to and writing down the wisdom that comes to me in quiet moments. I need to have some more quiet moments. Easier said than done. Still, I'm saying it.