Moonlight and History

I watch you
As you lay sleeping
A band of moonlight
Strapped across your face

It was a while ago
But I can still see it
In my mind's eye

As I laid there thinking
What depths lay underneath
For once I was convinced
That I knew absolutely nothing.

Thanks Shmanks...

I know I'm supposed to be thankful today. I know everyone is blathering on and on about it. I know gratitude is important...I do...but honestly I'm having a hard time feeling grateful for much of anything. I've just stayed quiet about it, not responding to others gooey thankfulness ramblings. I feel kinda sorry for myself that I don't have more things to be grateful for. Like good health...good health would be nice. Maybe a loving relationship or close friends...yeah that would be something I'd be grateful for if I had them right now. I'm in a dark place, yo-and I'm not going to paste a happy face on it and say the obligatory "it's all good" cause that's just bullshit. I am grateful for basic stuff...like a roof over my head, food and clothing, a family that loves me, albeit not in the way I'd like to be loved, but in their own way. I am really hoping that by next year I will have more happy stuff to be grateful for. I know it can't all be sunshine and roses, but c'monnnnn! Just a little happiness goes a long way. God if you're listening, get going on that please. All this dark shit is a little more than I can handle, and if you truly know me, you'd stop it already.
I lost four pounds. I am grateful for that.
Off to work out. How many people can say that after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm a little proud of myself. Let's see if we can't extrapolate on that.
You are dismissed.

Same guy, take two...

He gives himself away sparingly-enough that I want more, but not enough that he has to feel like he has lost anything. Just enough to make me dizzily want more and then he goes silent for long periods of time, as if to say, "That never happened. The closeness we shared is just a dream you had while napping. You don't really know me and you never will." He is a mystery, and clearly intends to remain as such. He often contradicts himself, and usually I say nothing upon hearing the contradictions. I just log them away for later to remind myself that he is not real.
A+B do not equal C, and therefore all logic and order do not apply.
He tries to scare me away by being mean, but I can see deeper than that and I see the games he plays.
God help me if I should fall in love with another man exactly like the last one. How can there be two, and how can I be attracted to such self centered aloof bastards?