A LONE GIRL

I'm tired of seeing all my friends happy pictures with their loving spouses and children, feeling as lonely as I do. I mean, it's not like I'm not happy that they are happy, I am. Seriously though, how much loneliness can one person take? Why do these pictures taunt me?

Aren't I worthy of the same kind of love and fulfillment? I'm 41 and I've never had that. Only once have I really been "in love". I mean, sick in love...and how did that turn out? He broke my heart eight ways till Sunday. He abused my feelings for him, by taking them and using them to his benefit, never once giving me what I needed or wanted. He treated me like I was a vacation from his real life. Now, once again, I find myself in a "relationship" which is not really a "relationship" where he gets what he wants when he wants it, and then can take me or leave me until the next time we hang out.

Somehow, this is my fault. This pattern that I allow men to treat me badly is my fault. I just don't understand why I haven't met someone that sees the goodness and love in me and wants to engage in a loving relationship. I don't think I can make that happen, and yet on facebook, the majority of my high school friends and others I have made over the span of my lifetime, have found love and started families. I want that. I don't want to give up on it, and yet it feels like I am so mind numbingly alone since forever and that feeling stretches into infinity...